An Upside Down Life

Psalm 32
1 Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the one
whose sin the LORD does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

Driving home last week after my single parent class at church, I had one of those moments. One of those moments where you look back at things and start thinking. My son and I were fighting over the radio station which is usually what we do. It's more laughing than actually fighting. Besides, dad always wins in this battle anyway. I decided, however, to really drive him crazy and put in some old music. You know, from my younger years. He would refer to it as old people music. I normally don't get to listen to it much anymore. I usually have it on K-Love or Air 1. So much so that my kids ask me if all I ever listen to was Christian music. "Mostly" I tell them, but I know that dad does listen to other music too. So I indulged myself with some music from my high school days after I dropped them off. That's not why I bring this up however. I bring it up, because it made me think about who I am and where I've been. It really bugged me to think of where I am.

Before I go further I just want to say that I am not a perfect man. I know I am a wretch. I write this blog to do a couple of things. One, to help me grow in Christ and second, to write down things that may make me think about what I'm doing with my life. Understand, this is not to preach to anyone. This is for me to preach to me. I know what a scoundrel I am. This is kind of an online journal. If it happens to help someone else, wonderful. I was keeping a hard copy journal from the time I started having marriage problems until my divorce in late 2008. It is too painful for me to read it now. I am going to have burn that journal now as I would never want that in the hands of my children. This is a new one with a better ending.

Listening to the music had an effect on me last night. The effect was to remind me of who I was. The bad and the good. The bad, well I don't think I'll get into that. I have confessed already for those sins. Besides the fact that a lot of times when a person "confesses" old sins, it sometimes comes across as bragging more than confessing. I did realize something else though. I realized that I am definitely not myself. Those that didn't know me in the past wouldn't know how out going I was, how confident I was and how fun I was. I had been "sapped" of a lot of that. Those that did know me would wonder what happened to that guy they knew. When I got married in 1990 I was going to be married forever, have the perfect kids, live in the perfect house and married the perfect woman. Divorce was for other people, not me. I could work out anything. We had the Lord to help us through any problems. Less mature people might not be able to, but I will. I bet we all feel that way when we get married. I guess that's why it was such a shock to me. I know there are a lot of people that suffered through a divorce that know that shock as well. I am still not out of the woods yet. I have been in foreclosure for over 2 years now. When is it going to end? I still struggle with this every now and then. I still think "how could this be? I am way too tough and know too much of the bible to fall into that trap". I can now admit it to myself.

I have no illusions of believing anyone would want to read what I have to say, but this is the way I would want my kids to know of me. I may not have been my happy self the past few years, but the one thing I have and always have had is joy. I have joy in my heart knowing where I am going and Who's I am. I am reminded of the passage from 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. Especially the last couple of lines "Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong". I am excited about the times ahead no matter what my circumstance might be. Paul spent several years in prison. He was beaten and flogged. I am very happy with my place as opposed to Paul's. I also understand that God is allowing me to be molded more like Him. That takes a pretty hard hammer and anvil on this hard head. Like herding sheep, He moves me the direction I should go. I don't want to go that direction, but I am being pushed. In the end, I will be just exactly where He wants and what He wants me to be. That is a comforting thought. I know I don't always do the right thing, but I want to. My goal is heaven, not for the things of this earth that are temporary (2 Corinthians 4:18).

Heaven will be a place so great it's indescribable. Think of the best thing you can think of. For my dad it was a quite fishing hole that was full of fish. Where a guy would bring a t-bone steak to him whenever he wanted. I always got a laugh out of that. I always hoped it would be like Six Flags or Disney World. If you think of the best thing you can think of, Heaven will be a thousand times better. It won't get old you will never get bored of it. As John Newton wrote "When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, Than when we first begun". When I was a child I used to think heaven might be little boring. I didn't want to just be standing around in choir robes singing church music. I later came to realize that if heaven was a place that was better than the greatest thing you can imagine, I didn't care what I would be doing. Even if I was standing around in choir robes singing. But we are more than that to God. We will be rulers and priests with Christ, co-heirs, royalty (2 Peter 2:9). We will not be bored. I feel God didn't make this vast universe for nothing. Heaven is so indescribable that John, in the Revelation, had to use the only things he knew could compare just to give us any description of heaven. He did the best he could, but it left our view of heaven short. Like looking at a beautiful garden through the bottom of a couple of dirty coke bottles. Now imagine what it might have been for John. He had to go back. What a let down! Might be like getting to Wally World and having John Candy tell you "Sorry folks the Parks closed". John did go back. He did his task. He knew what he was working for.

So when I think about heaven I then realize again why I am here. I get excited about eternity. I refocus my life on my task here. First to endure (Hebrews 10:36). I need to do God's will no matter what the circumstances are. I must overcome the tests that are laid in front of me. All the problems I think I have suddenly become challenges. I start to wonder what God is going to do next to get me to the next level of life. Instead of the woe is me approach to life. I also want to take as many to heaven with me as I can. It makes it even more exciting to lead the lost to Christ or help someone.

Sure, I am going through troubles, but I am not down about it. Don't feel sorry for me. I am great! Do pray for me. I need that for sure. Pray that God will straighten my path. That I will get it through my hard head what He is trying to teach me or make me into. Faith to trust God. To know I haven't the first clue as to how or why God operates (Job 40:4)

So what now? Well I know the first thing I need to do is get more involved with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have isolated myself for so long I am not close to anyone. Other than my kids of course. I can also take one day at a time. In the end, I will make it through and so will you.

Is the Church Dying?

The thing that brought this subject to mind, was my Wednesday night single parent class at church. Our subject was on denial. However like a lot of discussions, it drifted to other things. We started talking about trusting your brothers and sisters in Christ with what ever sin or problem you have. A question came to my mind. Do we care?

Do we care for one another enough to warrant that trust. It reminded me of the line from a Keith Green song, "Cause He brings people to your door, And you turn them away, as you smile and say, God bless you, be at peace, and all Heaven just weeps". Is that really that way it is? If we ask for prayer, are we truely going to get it? Is it just something we say and forget? We have become so busy with our lives that we tend to get wrapped up in our own problems than worry about others.

Now to clarify something. The last paragragh was totally my view. Do I have a basis for believing this? That's what I want to examine here.

A USA Today article titled "Is God Dead In Europe" talks about the decline of the church in europe. In the article is mentioned that "only 19% of the people in this once-religious country believe that God exists". James P. Gannon writes this about Prague in the Czech Republic. He also states the fact that "a series of Eurobarometer surveys since 1970 in five key countries (France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany and Italy) shows that regular church attendance fell from about 40% of the population to about half that figure".

Church attendance in America is declining also. This was the one thing that had always separated us from Europe. Now it's coming to America. The American Revolution was a fight for Liberty. It was also brought about with the help of the Religious leaders of the day, i.e. George Whitfield, Samuel Adams, etc. You see God in the Declaration of Independence as well as the Constitution. God is and was a big part of the founding of the United States much to the chagrin of the progressive left in this country. They would like you to believe that the founders meant to keep God out of anything public.

Ask the average person where the statement "wall of separation between church and state" comes from and you will most likely hear from the consititution. Truth is it was a letter to the Danbury Baptist's Association in 1802 from Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was responding to a letter that the Association had written him. In that letter, they expressed their concerns about the Constitution not reaching the State level. In the letter, he was reassuring the Danbury Baptists that their religious freedom would remain protected. To reassure them that there would be no State Religion as was the case in England with the Church of England. The original text reads: "...I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."[1]

The phrase was quoted by the United States Supreme Court first in 1878, and then in a series of cases starting in 1947. The phrase appears nowhere in the U.S. Constitution. This is a veiwpoint that has gain major ground since the 1963 supreme court ruling against prayer in school. This was NOT the American Revolution. This idea that the American left has pushed actually was the French Revolution. With the "Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen" and the Reign of Terror the French removed God from any aspect of government. This was the age of Rousseau. All the more reason we need to fight this movement to remove God from all public life in America.

So why has the church allowed this? Why have we sat back and let it happen? Is the church dying?

No, it isn't. The Church in America is on the decline. However the Church throughout the world is growing. We tend to think of America as the home to the Church. Far from it. Find any country where Christians are persecuted and you'll find a thriving Church. I have been told before that the Church is not suffering yet so the Lord would probably not be coming as soon as we think. I beg to differ. The Church worldwide is being persecuted like it never has before. The Church in America is indifferent.

I am one the people to blame. Well at least Christians like me. We have had it really good in this country and have drifted away from prayer and really studying God's word. I have been the worst. I have isolated myself from other Christians. I don't pray the way I should. I don't take sin as serious as I should. Compromising constantly for what I selfishly want. I have treated people wrong. I have taken what I wanted and thought of no consequences. I am the ultimate hypocrite.

We no longer live in a communities like we did 100 years ago. With the invention of the automobile and interstates. We live so far apart from one another that we get distant from one another. We don't live close enough to see each other day to day. Our kids don't play together like they did back then. Technology has a hand in this, but we could do better.

Technology and stuff like iPods, xboxs, playstations and computers keep us distrated from one another. This is why it is harder for a rich man to get into heaven than a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Why would you need God if you think you have everything? We don't even know how rich we are. Even the poorest in this country are rich compared to real poverty. Look at the poor in Egypt, India or just about any African country. Am I bashing the rich? Heck no! I want to be one of them someday. Simply stated, it is way too easy for us in the country. We start to forget God.

So what should we do?

We need to pray and ask for prayer in even the most trivial matters in our lives. They aren't trival to God. The church as a whole has drifted away from prayer. Thank goodness for those in the church that do pray without fail. I have been guilty of not trusting my brothers and sisters enough to let them pray for me. Sometimes I feel my problems aren't important enough to ask. Sometimes, since I realize that I caused most of my problems, I don't deserve the prayer. Sometimes I feel I don't want anyone to help me because I don't want to owe anyone. The truth is Christians are trustworthy enough to ask. You never owe a brother and sister. God has their payment.

I am putting myself on the right path again. First I decided to trust my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for those things. I will ask for help from them when I need it. I will help when they need it. I will stop procrastinating...soon. ( I had to add that)

Bottom line is that when we don't let our brothers and sisters pray, help or lift us up through words. We take away a chance for God to give them a blessing. I do have things that need to be prayed for. I am person who has not been the man God intended me to be. I am changing my attitude and returning to where I should be with my brothers and sisters. Most of all, with God.

Sufficient Grace

2 Corinthians 12:1-10

1 It is necessary to boast; it is not helpful, but I will move on to visions and revelations of the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who was caught up into the third heaven 14 years ago. Whether he was in the body or out of the body, I don't know; God knows. 3 I know that this man—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows— 4 was caught up into paradise. He heard inexpressible words, which a man is not allowed to speak. 5 I will boast about this person, but not about myself, except of my weaknesses. 6 For if I want to boast, I will not be a fool, because I will be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, 7 especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. 8 Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. 10 So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul was, in what most of us agree, a man of God who we all would like to emulate. He was shown something that was unspeakable. God allowed him to see something we all would love to see. How special was he? How great was this man of God. Probably in the "Hall of Fame" of heaven. If God had an All-Star team, he would be one of it's captains. Who would disagree with that?

Paul, however, was making the that he wasn't anymore special than anyone else. How many of us would not be puffed up with pride in ourselves if God allowed us to see what Paul saw and experienced? Paul always presented himself as a failed human who was no greater than the next person. He knew how much he needed God's grace. "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners and I am the worst of them."(a)

"As we never try to fly, because we have no angelic wings; so we do not aspire to supreme holiness, because we imagine that we have not apostolic advantages. Indeed, this is a very injurious idea and must not be tolerated. What the ancient saints were, we may be." Charles H. Spurgeon

We are just as much a saint as Paul. Don't you get that? We have been given the right amount of grace that was needed. We are Saints! We don't need to be canonized. We were given sufficient grace to make us the exact servant God wants us to be. Now that we have excepted Jesus as our savior, and have already received the Holy Spirit, we can be as great as we want. It is a choice of our own will.

Some of you may think you have too many handicaps to be great. Paul said 7 so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. 8 Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. God doesn't expect us to do more than we can. We are to do what we can. Some are given less glamorous jobs, some more.

I have always said that God didn't give me great looks and a great body. This used to bother me, until I realized that God made me the way I am for a reason. He uses what I do have. Plus it probably has kept me out of more trouble than I could have possibly imagined. Some may say this is false humility. Some may say this is what Paul was portraying. Paul had no reason to be falsely humble. His actions spoke for the man he was. He was also trying to tell the Corinthians they needed to strive to be the best they could be in their service to God. We don't know exactly what Paul's thorn that the Lord wouldn't remove was. I think we weren't told for a reason. Maybe because we all have things in our life that we let stop us from doing God's will. Our own "thorns in the side". Maybe it's alcoholism, or you've been married several times, or you've been in an adulterous affair. Only you know. Don't let that stop you from doing what God wants you too. Use your failures in life to help others.

Remember who was ridiculed in Jesus' parable of the talents.(b) It was the man who did nothing with his talent. Think of the talent, or minas, as the talent that God gave you. You are not necessarily responsible to become the next Billy Graham. You are, however, responsible to use the gifts (talents) God gave you. No matter how small it may seem to you.

Boast in your own weakness. You never know who you may bring to the Lord because you did boast in your weakness. Maybe the next Billy Graham. God grace was and is sufficient enough for you.

(a) 1 Timothy 1:15
(b) Matthew 25:14-28

Asleep In The Boat?

MARK 4 35-41
35 On that day, when evening had come, He told them, "Let's cross over to the other side [of the lake]." 36 So they left the crowd and took Him along since He was [already] in the boat. And other boats were with Him. 37 A fierce windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking over the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. 38 But He was in the stern, sleeping on the cushion. So they woke Him up and said to Him, "Teacher! Don't you care that we're going to die?"

39 He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Silence! Be still!" The wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 Then He said to them, "Why are you fearful? Do you still have no faith?"

41 And they were terrified and asked one another, "Who then is this? Even the wind and the sea obey Him!"

Alister Begg told this story as good as I have heard. Begg once wrote "more spiritual progress is made through failure and tears than success and laughter." He was absolutely right.

I heard his sermon on Mark 4:35-41 during one of the roughest times of my life. I felt as if Jesus was asleep in the boat. I am even at this moment having trouble with my faith. I am trying to steer my boat through this storm myself. I panic. "Teacher! Don't you care?" Time and time again the answer comes back "Why are you fearful? Do you still have no faith?" I don't know why! I still lack faith.

Divorce, debt and relationships have been like that storm. I have a grip on the wheel. Only the steering wheel isn't hooked up. I am not through the storm yet. When will it end? When can I be happy again? What is going to happen that will make that happen again? I don't know, I just don't know! I panic again and again. I get frustrated and "WHY ME" comes out of my thoughts. My house is being foreclosed on. My debt is killing me. I ache for my kids that see their mommy and daddy get divorced and a family is broken.

My life has been a series of cycles. Ups and downs and ups. Today is a down day. The storm is here tearing up my life again. Just when I think everything is starting head in the right direction and I see that beautiful light, it goes dark. It is dark today...again. But as I said in my earlier blog, God didn't promise a wonderful life. We were to expect the opposite.

The one thing God does promise is that He will prepare us to go through trials. He knows what we can handle and doesn't allow us to go through more than that.

Today I also realized something else. Time and time again the storms have come and I have survived. This may be a down day, week, month or maybe a year, but every time I have suffered though the storm, God has done something great in my life to make it better. This time will be no different. He will get me through it again. If He is preparing me for something more difficult, I will thank Him for preparing me to handle it. No matter how bad the next storm is.

Today I am sad, fearful and lack faith, but I will defeat this. I will be ok. God will see me through. So I have peace through prayer. God has comforted me again. Nothing can be thrown at me I can't handle. I have released the wheel and will let God drive the boat. Unseen, but in total control. In my head I know I will once again be rescued and hear Jesus say "Silence! Be still!"

My Dad, My Hero

“The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared…a real man will never let his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty to his country and his innate manhood.”


I didn’t write that, but I could have. That was spoken by General George S. Patton on the eve of the Normandy invasion. That’s the way I saw my father.


It kind of funny the way a child thinks and believes.

My heroes have always been a different kind of hero.

Sure I had the usual kind growing up. I loved Johnny Bench. I’m still a Reds fan to this day. There was no better quarterback than Roger Staubach. Not only one of the great NFL quarterbacks of all time, but one of the best human beings of all time. Who was a true example of a Christian gentleman.


I have to say, though, that my real heroes were men in my family. I would like to say just little about some of them.


Uncle Gilbert, a police officer. I wanted to be a cop myself at one time. Until he told me he would kick my butt if I did join the police force. I can still remember things that I would hear. Like the time there was a prison riot and he had to go. At least I think that’s correct. You never know about a kid’s memories. I would imagine him standing behind his door with a shotgun ready to shoot or with a riot shield running into a mass of people.


His son and my cousin, Greg. I always looked up too. I wanted to be the athlete that he was, but couldn’t be. Not much use for a 135 lb defensive back that runs a 4.9 40. Even at Northwest Classen. I always thought it would be cool to be like him. He always made his goofy younger cousin feel like he was just one of the guys.


There was my uncle Jim Moseley. I thought was a great athlete. I guess I’ve always wanted to be an athlete, I just wasn’t able. He also became a cop.


I also looked up to my uncle Jimmy Rogers. He was the coolest guy I ever knew. Rode a bike and had a van. I still remember getting in his van as a kid. We won’t give the details of that adventure. I’ll just leave it to your imagination. He was definitely a rebel. I know our parents were scared to death we would want to be like him. He left this world way too early. I remember being told “your Uncle Jimmy died”. I just knew it was Uncle Jim Moseley because he was a cop at the time.


Uncle Fred, who probably doesn’t realize this, but he was one of the reasons I chose to go into the service in the first place. He is the main reason I started looking at the Air Force when I decided to go. He is a man who is always there when you need him.


Uncle Jack. To me he was a real war hero. I can still see in my mind the day he left at the airport. I assume, looking back at it, that he was leaving for Vietnam. I can still remember him in his uniform, strips on his sleeve. Everyone was hugging and crying. I have never sat down and talked to him about it, but just the little I do know, I know he is a real war hero. Purple Hearts, Bronze Star and all. He also was a great witness for Christ.


My Grandpas I looked up to. Grandpa Moseley could be a bit hard sometimes, but he had a heart of gold. He was an athlete growing up. The thing that always stuck in my mind was he always believed in doing the RIGHT thing. No matter the cost. My dad's dad, I believed, was the wisest man on the planet. He knew more about the bible than anyone. A true spiritual leader, especially to us growing up. For us grandkids, we loved and respected him totally.


There is my older brother Rowdy. To me, he did everything right. I couldn’t think of a single person who didn’t like him. I used to say he was 40 when he was 18. He just was a mature guy who believed in doing what’s right and he still does. He was and IS one of the most dependable people I know. He is always there when you need him. As a kid all of his friends used to try and make fun of me by calling me “Little Pickle”. They didn’t know I was proud of that.


The biggest hero of them all, however, well that was my dad. He wanted to be a police officer, but he was too short to pass. That never did make sense to me, because I thought he was “10 feet tall and bulletproof”. Sometimes I think he thought he really was too.


I never felt the need to get into the “my dad is tougher than your dad” fight. What was the use? Everyone knew my dad was the toughest. Heck every time family got together he had to show all the kids his muscles. Everyone loved him.


I remember looking at the picture grandpa had in his office of him in his Uniform. He was a paratrooper. I mean he used to jump out of perfectly good airplanes. He was part of the 82nd airborne. What could be cooler than that? We would go to the fair and couldn’t walk ten feet before someone would yell “Hey Red”, “Uncle Sam” or just Bob. I thought he knew everyone on planet earth. There was joke about him and the pope. I just know it was originally written about him. He was walking with the pope in a mass of people when everyone started looking around asking “who’s the guy in the goofy hat with Bobby”.


He was a man with an Iron stomach. He would eat anything. One of things he would do is to get up at 2 or 3am and drink a cup of Salsa. I love Salsa, but not that much.


To me he was John Wayne. Maybe that was because the only thing he ever watched was westerns. Bonanza, Gun Smoke, Shadow Riders, the Sackett’s, you know those kind of shows.


It’s funny what a young man thinks and believes.


As you get older, you lose that childlike innocence and start to see things a bit differently. You realize that we are all failed human beings. You start to see your hero as a man. You start to understand what Christ meant in Luke chapter 18 verse 19 “Why do you call me good?” “No one is good except God alone”. You discover that the 10 commands are impossible to live up too. Try it. Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever stolen anything, even if it’s small like a paperclip? Have you ever used God’s name, the God who gave you life, as a cuss word? I wouldn’t even use a friend’s name as a cuss word, why would I think so little of God to use His name.


I remember the day I realized I needed Christ. Dad was taking me fishing. We had stopped at the bait store. I waited in the truck. I did something to myself and said…well let’s just say I took the Lords name in vain. I knew right then, I had broken God’s law and I would receive His punishment. I told dad that night, it was the night before church in the morning, that I wanted to be saved. The next morning during the alter call dad whispered to me “you ready?” I took off down the isle with him in tow. I prayed to receive Christ right then and there.


See, that’s the thing about my family. They, the men and women in my family, raised their children to know who Christ was. I thank God that he put me in THIS family. He gave me the greatest opportunity to find him. I know God had a purpose for putting me with them. I thank Him for that all the time. God allowed me to go through a lot this past 3 or 4 years. I am not the same man as I was even two years ago. It would have been a lot harder without them.


It’s funny what a man thinks and believes.


You see I’ve come full circle now. My heroes are my heroes again. Because they allowed God to work through them. The men and women of this family are truly my heroes. They did follow Christ. They did raise their children with God.


My greatest hero? Well that would be my dad. I lost my hero. He left this world to be with the Lord on February 24 of 2010. He was a man who has definitely left an imprint in this world. A legacy that will continue for as long as there are people on this world. He has gone on to be with the Lord forever and ever. He will always be my hero no matter what. He once again is “10 feet tall and bulletproof”.


I’m going to miss you dad. Until that day when we are together again.