I Discovered More About Me

13 

Psalm 27:13-14
I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.

I discovered something. It took a long while, but something came to me. You chase things you will never get. You will never see. You will never touch. I know this isn't something new to all people. It sure hit me recently.

I think we all do this to some degree. I mean discover something about ourselves. I think we look at ourselves much differently than other people do. We see ourselves through a totally different lense. Sometimes I think of myself a really great guy. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, no that guy isn't that great. Both are wrong. God lets me know that.

We waste our time on things that will never occur. We hope for things that will never come. We fool ourselves into thinking we can beat the odds. Sometimes the things we love the most aren't the best for us. Sometimes life punches us right in the face.

I started to feel sorry for myself. I suffered greatly. I cried more nights than I would like to remember. Watch a movie and I would cry even on stuff not that sad. I was not the man I thought I was.

Oh but I was wrong. I haven't wasted a moment. I have never hope for something that wouldn't occur. We can beat the odds. When we get punched in the face, stop get back up and move on. Crying sometimes is ok for even a man to do.

It doesn't matter what kind of man I think am. It matters what God did for me. I will be ok no matter what the future brings. You see God is the most important. I'm impatient. I need to wait on the Lord.

Cutting the Cord

Cutting the Cord

     Ok I became a reluctant "Cord Cutter". But so far it has worked out well. Plus I am saving about $100 a month by doing this. I didn't want to this, but cutting costs, meant cutting cords. That also meant losing NFL, college sports, NBA, MLB and all the History Channels. No more TNT, TBS no Fox News, no Fox Sports, no ESPN and so on.

     I had DirectTv for years. I only cared about a hand full channels though. That's a lot of money for a bunch of channels I didn't even want. So when I lost my home and had to move into an apartment, I decided cable just cost way too much. It was time to change my ways. Time to live a more frugal life.

      First thing I decided to do is to go out and find something I hadn't had to use in many years. Rabbit ears. Yes, that's right, over the air channels via antenna. You can get all the major networks, ABC, NBC, CBS, etc. Plus it's in glorious HD. So my first goal was complete. Most NFL games? Check. A lot of NCAA games? Check. Some NBA & MLB? Check. Also I discovered ME TV, and Antenna TV that would broadcast all the old shows that I grew up watching. "Leave It To Beaver", The Rifle Man", "Brady Bunch", "M.A.S.H." and many more like that. Christian music videos too.

     Next I was reading a Sooner message board and the guys were talking about "Cord Cutting" and mentioned an "app" call "SlingTV". $20 for ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNNEWS, ESPNU, TNT, TBS, History, H2 and many more. Next item on my list, more NCAA, NFL, etc. Check. You do have to have a smart phone or tablet, Xbox or PS, but I can take it and get it anywhere.

     Finally, the other day a good friend told me about "Plex". Plex is another "app" that you can take anywhere and use on your tablet, Smart phone and gaming box. Plex lets you use your computer as a network server. If you keep movies, TV shows, music, pictures and such on your computer. You now can access that media. You can take that anywhere. Plex cost about $5 a month or you can get it for $48 a year.

    A lot of you youngsters already know about this stuff. I am, however, not ashamed to learn from the younger generation.

     Another added benefit of cord cutting is I spend a lot fewer hours on the tube. I can stop and do a lot more things I should be. I will have to update this post when I discover how to DVR without cable. Hopefully some of you will email me and let me know what you have found.

The Death John Rogers & A Move to Indian Territory

In the late 1800’s the Civil War was raging. One of the effects of the war was the guerrilla warfare that ensued during and after. Men like William Quantrill who after leading a Confederate bushwhacker unit along the Missouri-Kansas border in the early 1860s, which included the notorious raid on Lawrence, Kansas ("Quantrill's Raid") in 1863, he eventually ended up in Kentucky, where he was killed in a Union ambush in May 1865 at the age of 27. I know of at least one of Quantrill’s Raiders that is buried with my great-great grandfather William Francis Clark. Elmwood Cemetery in Kansas City. Elmwood has many interesting people that are interned there. Clark, who was himself one of Morgan’s Raider’s in Kentucky, is also buried at Elmwood Cemetery in Kansas City. Atrocities where committed by both sides during this time. One of those atrocities happened to John Rogers.

Tombstone for William F Clark

             The information I have on John is very light and sketchy. I did however had the fortunate opportunity to talk with a couple of aunts that could tell me some things about him. They told me his name was James. Which could be true, however the 1860 census has him listed as John. So I will use John in this text. First the facts I do know are that he was a farmer from Tennessee. He moved his wife Annie and their six children, Mary, Eli Jackson, Ellen, Levi, Martha and Stephen, somewhere in the area of Mulberry Arkansas sometime around 1856. John and Annie had three more children after they made the move. Jesse B., Rachel Emaline and John W.

            The 1860s in Arkansas poor lands were held by poor white farmers, who generally owned no slaves. The best lands were held by rich plantation owners, were operated primarily with slave labor. They grew their own food, and concentrated on a few crops that could be exported to meet the growing demand in Europe, especially cotton, tobacco, and sugar. John was one of those poor farmers.

            Sometime in 1863 a group of scavenging bushwhackers came through Rogers’ farm. They were looking for food, water and anything else they could find. At first they were greeted as friends. This was after all the south and these “we’re our boys”. During the war, however, the armies did what they had to when it came to survival. John was not home at the time. I can assume he was in the field. Annie sent Levi to find get John. Eli, the oldest boy, was kept at the house. Being the oldest he wasn't going to be let out of their sight. Stealing food and anything that might be of value. The family was very upset understandably. Annie kept them together the best she could. Mary, the oldest and feistiest, took matters into her own hands. Most families kept the stuff they needed for the winter in an attic or a cellar. When the soldiers tried to get in to find those supplies Mary grab him by the jacket and pulled him back. Not sure what made them relent, but Mary had kept them from getting it. John returned home with Levi soon after. Men are an evil bunch for sure. Since they couldn’t find enough supplies to take, the bushwhackers decided to take John. John was made to go with them to the other side of Mulberry River and they hanged him. Mary followed the men. She made sure she wasn’t seen. The soldiers left very quickly. Mary went and cut her father down quickly after the men left. John was loaded into the back of a wagon and Mary took off for Ft. Smith. John didn’t make the journey however. He died on the way. To this day we are not sure where John is buried.

            When Jessie Rogers was about 29. He decided to take his family to Indian Territory. They eventually moved sometime between 1885 and 1886 in the area of modern day Wilburton. They had three children at the time of the move, Ellen Mae, James Terman and John Elzie. Coal mining was starting to be a huge business and Indian Territory had a lot of coal. This drew many men looking for work. Much of the coal explosion can be attributed to a single person.

Coal mine in Wilburton, Oklahoma

            McAlester was instrumental in bring the railroads to the area. The railroads came in through a place known simply as “Crossroads”. This would later be named in honor of J. J. McAlester. In 1889 an east-west railroad, the Choctaw Coal and Railway was built through Crossroads. This would later  become the Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railway. It was built to serve the rich coal fields east of McAlester.

                Jesse and Susan had six children. The youngest three were born in Indian Territory. Ada, Maudie and Jessie Pearl. Jesse died in 1894 in Shady Point, Indian Territory at the age of 37. Susan would go on to remarry a man named Riley Richardson a couple of years later. James and his younger brother John Elzie would work in the mines and farm near Wilburton. The family lived in the town of Lutie. Lutie was eventually incorporated into Wilburton. Many of the Rogers are buried in Lutie cemetery.  

He’s Already Won

John 19:30
“When Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” Then bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.”

                I was reminded of this today as I was driving home from church. I was feeling a bit down. I know it happens. Someone on the radio mentioned that we shouldn’t worry about the things we do. He has already won. He rose from the dead and we also won. This statement Jesus makes means more than meets the eye, but I’ll explain that later.

                Just like my previous posts, you can see I went through a lot and I’m working on a lot too. Just when I get through one worry another one pops up. I will lose my house, that’s for sure, but I’m good about it. I will be ok. Been looking at some houses. I feel good because I know I will be ok. My job is getting tougher because we’re having to do more with less. That’s ok, I know I have a great job and I’ll just do my best. Plus it always make for better job security when you’re light on help. More responsibility also has a way of doing that too. 

                One thing that’s taken way too much of my time is relationship search. I’ve already blown at least three chances with great gals because of my worry, maybe more. I know a lot it has to do with the fact I have this idea of a dream. You know to have that happy family life. To have a person to go have fun with, to enjoy life with. That pursuit has taken way too much of my time. I also realized that I can’t help making mistakes at every turn. I kind of chuckle about that and think what an idiot sometimes. I decided to quit worrying about that kind of stuff now. I don’t need to worry. I may never meet someone who is that person. That person I dream that God has for me. I will say just like my house, I’ve decided to quit worrying about that too. I just need to live life the way God intended me too.

                So it’s time to do the things I enjoy. Things like teaching, fishing, sitting out in the backyard with a nice cup of coffee. Heck I can’t even remember the last time I did just that. Going on a trip. I used to do that when I was young. All by myself. So why not now? Take my kids fishing more. Enjoy my friends and change my attitude. I use to live, why not now?

                Back to John’s passage. The quote “It is finished” is more than what we might think. It comes from the Greek word “telelestai”.  The word "tetelestai" may very well be the most beautiful Greek word ever uttered. It is a accountants word. With all the debt added up, we were in debt by so much it was impossible to pay. In a simple translation it basically means “Paid in Full!” That’s what Christ’s death did. It paid it in full. Then through the resurrection Jesus won. We won.

                This is what I need to keep in front of me at all times. I think I’ll hang it on my bathroom mirror so I see it every day. I’ll put it in the Greek too. “Telelestai!” I need to always be reminded that this life should be fun, no doubt, but there is more meaning in my life because it was paid in full. Tell everyone you meet that it is paid in full!

                I will lose my house soon, but God has made me feel ok about it. There is nothing I can do, so it’s time to move on. I should have done this a long time ago. I just didn’t trust God enough. Now I have come to the place, because He let me go through this, I know I will be better off in the end. Being single is not a bad thing at all. I sometimes think that. A person can think he’s lonely. A person can think he needs someone. The fact is though is that God will make me happy. Through the joy I have always in my heart to the happiness that will happen more often when I realize this.

                All the things I think I go through is nothing compared to what he did for me. I am a joyful guy. I will always have something in my life that means more than food water or the love of a woman. I have the Lord and I plan to live that way from now on. I am excited about living for Him. Even though I haven’t been totally released from the feelings of wanting a wife someday, I really am coming closer. I know that living for Christ is more important. Plus He will never think I’m too fat, ugly or as bad as I sometimes think I am. He’s a whole lot smarter than I am.

                I love my job. I love my friends. I love my family. I mostly love the Lord. What could anyone ask for that would be better than that? Not me. What a great life I have, because “It is finished!”

Is Depression Sin?

                  In 2008 I ended an 18-year marriage. The day my divorce was final, I had the strangest feeling I have ever had and hope to never experience again. It was one of relief and sadness.

When I got married, like most of us, I was getting married to that one special person for life. We were a team. We were best friends. She was so pretty I just couldn't stand to be away from her. Not just pretty on the outside, but a beautiful girl on the inside. From 1990 to 2002 we had four children, two boys, my sweet baby girl and then finally a boy who just steals my heart every time I see him. My oldest was my ADD kid. Struggled through everything he did. Struggled in school, sports, just about anything. He has such a good heart you can't help but love him. Number two is my “can do anything” son. I can’t think of anytime he ever had a problem with anything – excellent grades, stays out of trouble, great athlete, etc. Even with the few small problems now and then. I was living the dream.

I never thought my marriage was perfect don’t get me wrong here, but I figured it was about as good as it could get. Along with my beautiful wife and kids, I had a five-acre home in a small town. I had lots of friends in town. I was teaching an adult bible class on Sundays, I coached baseball, I had a great, secure job and she was working part time. The only thing missing, it seemed, was the white picket fence. This is the life I thought I always wanted. I mean, I looked at other people going through divorce and problems and though I would be empathetic, I just couldn’t understand. Then something changed…

I guess the turning point happened when my wife told me my youngest was on the way. That was a bit rough on me.  I was thinking like a typical logical guy. Now we had to sell the sedan and get a mini-van. We had a three-bedroom house with, what would be, three boys and one girl. Plus dirty diapers again. I couldn’t bear the thought. That’s the way I was thinking. For two to three weeks I was not happy. The selfish side of me was thinking that it would be a long time before we would get to go on a vacation again. We were already living paycheck to paycheck how could we make it with another child?

Then the adult in me woke back up and I realized I was going to have another child. I started thinking about the positives instead of the negatives and became excited. God would be there like he always had been. I started thinking of having four grown kids someday with families of their own. To hold that little man was just simply awesome.

There is a blank spot missing here in my description. The things that lead to my divorce I really can’t talk about in a public forum. The last four years of my marriage were painful. I think I’d like to leave it at that.  The one thing I did do during this time was read. I read several books. I know enough now that I could probably be a marriage counselor.  It didn’t, however, save my marriage.

Right after my divorce my little boy would come over and stay with me during the week. It was such a comfort to have him there during those dark days. From the time we separated to the after the divorce, she would let him come over stay. That little four, then five-year-old boy helped me more than he will ever know. When I would have drop him off I noticed something in me I had never really experienced. I would just cry all the way home. I would start crying at sad movies or sad stories on the news. I got more than lazy and I just didn’t care. I was numb. My house went into foreclosure and was getting ready to go up for sheriff’s sale.  I did a lot of praying during that time. I felt I was caught in the middle of being a strong Christian that had no human to confide in or trust. I knew most of the answers already. You weren’t going to give me a biblical answer that I didn’t already know. Knowing is one thing, applying to your heart is another. Anyone I felt had enough biblical knowledge to help just couldn’t be available. I’m not the only person that has problems I would tell myself. Beside the fact I knew I would eventually get through it. Just needed more prayer and time.

One year ago I went to my family practice doctor for a routine checkup. I’ve had hypertension since the military. My doctor is a wonderful Christian woman who is just as much a good counselor as she is a doctor. She knows my background.  One thing I had finally opened up about with her was the way I was feeling. I hadn’t told anyone about that. I was going on four years after my divorce and I was still having the same issues. Don’t want to do anything. I wasn’t taking my blood pressure meds like I was supposed to.  I couldn’t keep a relationship. I was also crying for no reason what so ever. Sometimes I didn’t even know why. My self-esteem was the lowest it has ever been. I would get on dating sites and nobody I was interested in was interested in me. Then I would think who in the world would want a bald over weight middle aged guy? So my doctor hits me with this evaluation. She tells me it sounds like I have depression. No way on earth I was depressed. Nor would I ever be depressed. I am way too strong a Christian to be depressed. I went ahead and took the prescription and took it for a total of two days. Nope, didn’t like it at all. I was going to get rid of this sin on my own and with God’s help.

Five years of being a divorcee led me to a crossroads.   I started emotionally letting go of things. The day I let go of my house, it was pulled off of the sheriff’s sale. Another mortgage company bought the loan and gave me a rate I could handle. I’m upside down in it, but it was easier. I let go of the kids. I turned them over to God. They are his anyway. Not that I wasn’t going to be their dad or care about them.  I just was going to quit the worry. The last two years has been really life changing. I took a job as an instructor with FAA. God put me teaching with a Godly Christian man. I also started teaching with a younger Christian brother named Scott Wisecarver that helped me focus more on the Lord.  We really helped each other in that aspect. The way it’s supposed to be. I made up my mind to start living again. The problem was how to I make that happen?

First I knew I wanted to start teaching Bible again and resume serving the Lord. I had a passion for teaching adults and thought this would be something to start looking into once more. Scott and I put together a ministry website ASRMinistries.com. We also plan to do some internet radio soon.  Even if it doesn’t take off and do much, we know we’re at least doing something for the Lord. Something I really enjoy too.

I hadn’t been to the doctor in over a year. I was getting harder and harder the longer I put it off. It was time to go back and see her.  Yup, sure enough, after she chewed me out for not taking my own health serious enough. We went back to that depression talk.  I decided to go ahead and take the meds she was going to give me. We would then see how it would go. That was a month and half ago. I have been taking them faithfully for a month and half, every day. I sleep now much better. I don’t cry like I was. I also find I don’t worry about things as much. I still have those days. I was a typical man who didn’t clean house very well. My house is a pit right now. Laundry is clean, but laying everywhere. No way is anyone stepping foot in this house. Every mower and weed-eating device is broken. Thank God for great ex-in-laws that live next door. I’m behind on my mortgage payments, but I know things will be all right. I’m not worried at all about the dating thing either. When she comes along, it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

So back to the original question: Is depression sin? I cannot speak for anyone else on this subject except me. The answer for me was a resounding YES! I had not trusted the Lord enough to believe that he would do what he said he would do. Take care of me no matter what. I was trying to hang on to a house for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t want bad credit. I didn’t want the embarrassment of having a house foreclosed on. I didn’t trust that my kids would be okay without me there every day.  There’s no way they would be okay without their daddy there to guide them day in day out. No, it’s not ideal, but I know God will lead them when I can’t be there. Did my sin actually cause a chemical problem in my brain? I believe now that answer is yes also. I know I won’t need this stuff for the rest of my life. Hopefully not even for a year. It did fix something that did happen though. I’m not a doctor so I could never explain it. I just know it worked. I do believe there are some that can’t help that they have depression or other mental problems. I cannot explain why that is. For me mine leads back to the sin of not trusting God for my needs.

It’s been a long time that I have wanted to try and write this. I just could never get it done. It’s extremely hard to actually write and post this. Do I really want people to know this about me? My friend and one the pastors at my church, James Hunt, wrote an excellent article on this subject. Titled “Are you in sin if you are depressed?” It actually completed a circuit in my head that finally allowed me to sit and finish this. You should read that article as he covers a lot more on the subject than I. My intent in writing this article was more of a confession. Also, it is my hope that maybe someone who is experiencing something similar to me would find they are not alone. I’m on the right track now. If I were a prophet, I would have been Jonah. I know where I’m supposed to go sometimes. Although sometimes the great fish has to spit me out on the beach first. 

It was very hard for me too post this. Everything I thought was before is gone. I was a man. I didn’t cry. It wasn’t possible for me to be depressed. That was for other people. So now the mask is off and you see me for what I am. A big fat loser. I wonder how many friends would now judge me for this. Of course I know that’s just the pride talking. 

But maybe that’s what God had in mind. I’ve had my pride smashed properly enough for God to actually use me. 

 

 

            Eternity is forever. It is one of the things I can focus on. I know that in the end, God is going to put things back in their correct place and order. When we reach that place and time described in Revelation 21 and 22, this will be so far in the past. So long forgotten that I wonder if I will even remember enough to ask “Just what the heck was I thinking?”

An Upside Down Life

Psalm 32
1 Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the one
whose sin the LORD does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

Driving home last week after my single parent class at church, I had one of those moments. One of those moments where you look back at things and start thinking. My son and I were fighting over the radio station which is usually what we do. It's more laughing than actually fighting. Besides, dad always wins in this battle anyway. I decided, however, to really drive him crazy and put in some old music. You know, from my younger years. He would refer to it as old people music. I normally don't get to listen to it much anymore. I usually have it on K-Love or Air 1. So much so that my kids ask me if all I ever listen to was Christian music. "Mostly" I tell them, but I know that dad does listen to other music too. So I indulged myself with some music from my high school days after I dropped them off. That's not why I bring this up however. I bring it up, because it made me think about who I am and where I've been. It really bugged me to think of where I am.

Before I go further I just want to say that I am not a perfect man. I know I am a wretch. I write this blog to do a couple of things. One, to help me grow in Christ and second, to write down things that may make me think about what I'm doing with my life. Understand, this is not to preach to anyone. This is for me to preach to me. I know what a scoundrel I am. This is kind of an online journal. If it happens to help someone else, wonderful. I was keeping a hard copy journal from the time I started having marriage problems until my divorce in late 2008. It is too painful for me to read it now. I am going to have burn that journal now as I would never want that in the hands of my children. This is a new one with a better ending.

Listening to the music had an effect on me last night. The effect was to remind me of who I was. The bad and the good. The bad, well I don't think I'll get into that. I have confessed already for those sins. Besides the fact that a lot of times when a person "confesses" old sins, it sometimes comes across as bragging more than confessing. I did realize something else though. I realized that I am definitely not myself. Those that didn't know me in the past wouldn't know how out going I was, how confident I was and how fun I was. I had been "sapped" of a lot of that. Those that did know me would wonder what happened to that guy they knew. When I got married in 1990 I was going to be married forever, have the perfect kids, live in the perfect house and married the perfect woman. Divorce was for other people, not me. I could work out anything. We had the Lord to help us through any problems. Less mature people might not be able to, but I will. I bet we all feel that way when we get married. I guess that's why it was such a shock to me. I know there are a lot of people that suffered through a divorce that know that shock as well. I am still not out of the woods yet. I have been in foreclosure for over 2 years now. When is it going to end? I still struggle with this every now and then. I still think "how could this be? I am way too tough and know too much of the bible to fall into that trap". I can now admit it to myself.

I have no illusions of believing anyone would want to read what I have to say, but this is the way I would want my kids to know of me. I may not have been my happy self the past few years, but the one thing I have and always have had is joy. I have joy in my heart knowing where I am going and Who's I am. I am reminded of the passage from 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. Especially the last couple of lines "Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong". I am excited about the times ahead no matter what my circumstance might be. Paul spent several years in prison. He was beaten and flogged. I am very happy with my place as opposed to Paul's. I also understand that God is allowing me to be molded more like Him. That takes a pretty hard hammer and anvil on this hard head. Like herding sheep, He moves me the direction I should go. I don't want to go that direction, but I am being pushed. In the end, I will be just exactly where He wants and what He wants me to be. That is a comforting thought. I know I don't always do the right thing, but I want to. My goal is heaven, not for the things of this earth that are temporary (2 Corinthians 4:18).

Heaven will be a place so great it's indescribable. Think of the best thing you can think of. For my dad it was a quite fishing hole that was full of fish. Where a guy would bring a t-bone steak to him whenever he wanted. I always got a laugh out of that. I always hoped it would be like Six Flags or Disney World. If you think of the best thing you can think of, Heaven will be a thousand times better. It won't get old you will never get bored of it. As John Newton wrote "When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, Than when we first begun". When I was a child I used to think heaven might be little boring. I didn't want to just be standing around in choir robes singing church music. I later came to realize that if heaven was a place that was better than the greatest thing you can imagine, I didn't care what I would be doing. Even if I was standing around in choir robes singing. But we are more than that to God. We will be rulers and priests with Christ, co-heirs, royalty (2 Peter 2:9). We will not be bored. I feel God didn't make this vast universe for nothing. Heaven is so indescribable that John, in the Revelation, had to use the only things he knew could compare just to give us any description of heaven. He did the best he could, but it left our view of heaven short. Like looking at a beautiful garden through the bottom of a couple of dirty coke bottles. Now imagine what it might have been for John. He had to go back. What a let down! Might be like getting to Wally World and having John Candy tell you "Sorry folks the Parks closed". John did go back. He did his task. He knew what he was working for.

So when I think about heaven I then realize again why I am here. I get excited about eternity. I refocus my life on my task here. First to endure (Hebrews 10:36). I need to do God's will no matter what the circumstances are. I must overcome the tests that are laid in front of me. All the problems I think I have suddenly become challenges. I start to wonder what God is going to do next to get me to the next level of life. Instead of the woe is me approach to life. I also want to take as many to heaven with me as I can. It makes it even more exciting to lead the lost to Christ or help someone.

Sure, I am going through troubles, but I am not down about it. Don't feel sorry for me. I am great! Do pray for me. I need that for sure. Pray that God will straighten my path. That I will get it through my hard head what He is trying to teach me or make me into. Faith to trust God. To know I haven't the first clue as to how or why God operates (Job 40:4)

So what now? Well I know the first thing I need to do is get more involved with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have isolated myself for so long I am not close to anyone. Other than my kids of course. I can also take one day at a time. In the end, I will make it through and so will you.

Is the Church Dying?

The thing that brought this subject to mind, was my Wednesday night single parent class at church. Our subject was on denial. However like a lot of discussions, it drifted to other things. We started talking about trusting your brothers and sisters in Christ with what ever sin or problem you have. A question came to my mind. Do we care?

Do we care for one another enough to warrant that trust. It reminded me of the line from a Keith Green song, "Cause He brings people to your door, And you turn them away, as you smile and say, God bless you, be at peace, and all Heaven just weeps". Is that really that way it is? If we ask for prayer, are we truely going to get it? Is it just something we say and forget? We have become so busy with our lives that we tend to get wrapped up in our own problems than worry about others.

Now to clarify something. The last paragragh was totally my view. Do I have a basis for believing this? That's what I want to examine here.

A USA Today article titled "Is God Dead In Europe" talks about the decline of the church in europe. In the article is mentioned that "only 19% of the people in this once-religious country believe that God exists". James P. Gannon writes this about Prague in the Czech Republic. He also states the fact that "a series of Eurobarometer surveys since 1970 in five key countries (France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany and Italy) shows that regular church attendance fell from about 40% of the population to about half that figure".

Church attendance in America is declining also. This was the one thing that had always separated us from Europe. Now it's coming to America. The American Revolution was a fight for Liberty. It was also brought about with the help of the Religious leaders of the day, i.e. George Whitfield, Samuel Adams, etc. You see God in the Declaration of Independence as well as the Constitution. God is and was a big part of the founding of the United States much to the chagrin of the progressive left in this country. They would like you to believe that the founders meant to keep God out of anything public.

Ask the average person where the statement "wall of separation between church and state" comes from and you will most likely hear from the consititution. Truth is it was a letter to the Danbury Baptist's Association in 1802 from Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was responding to a letter that the Association had written him. In that letter, they expressed their concerns about the Constitution not reaching the State level. In the letter, he was reassuring the Danbury Baptists that their religious freedom would remain protected. To reassure them that there would be no State Religion as was the case in England with the Church of England. The original text reads: "...I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."[1]

The phrase was quoted by the United States Supreme Court first in 1878, and then in a series of cases starting in 1947. The phrase appears nowhere in the U.S. Constitution. This is a veiwpoint that has gain major ground since the 1963 supreme court ruling against prayer in school. This was NOT the American Revolution. This idea that the American left has pushed actually was the French Revolution. With the "Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen" and the Reign of Terror the French removed God from any aspect of government. This was the age of Rousseau. All the more reason we need to fight this movement to remove God from all public life in America.

So why has the church allowed this? Why have we sat back and let it happen? Is the church dying?

No, it isn't. The Church in America is on the decline. However the Church throughout the world is growing. We tend to think of America as the home to the Church. Far from it. Find any country where Christians are persecuted and you'll find a thriving Church. I have been told before that the Church is not suffering yet so the Lord would probably not be coming as soon as we think. I beg to differ. The Church worldwide is being persecuted like it never has before. The Church in America is indifferent.

I am one the people to blame. Well at least Christians like me. We have had it really good in this country and have drifted away from prayer and really studying God's word. I have been the worst. I have isolated myself from other Christians. I don't pray the way I should. I don't take sin as serious as I should. Compromising constantly for what I selfishly want. I have treated people wrong. I have taken what I wanted and thought of no consequences. I am the ultimate hypocrite.

We no longer live in a communities like we did 100 years ago. With the invention of the automobile and interstates. We live so far apart from one another that we get distant from one another. We don't live close enough to see each other day to day. Our kids don't play together like they did back then. Technology has a hand in this, but we could do better.

Technology and stuff like iPods, xboxs, playstations and computers keep us distrated from one another. This is why it is harder for a rich man to get into heaven than a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Why would you need God if you think you have everything? We don't even know how rich we are. Even the poorest in this country are rich compared to real poverty. Look at the poor in Egypt, India or just about any African country. Am I bashing the rich? Heck no! I want to be one of them someday. Simply stated, it is way too easy for us in the country. We start to forget God.

So what should we do?

We need to pray and ask for prayer in even the most trivial matters in our lives. They aren't trival to God. The church as a whole has drifted away from prayer. Thank goodness for those in the church that do pray without fail. I have been guilty of not trusting my brothers and sisters enough to let them pray for me. Sometimes I feel my problems aren't important enough to ask. Sometimes, since I realize that I caused most of my problems, I don't deserve the prayer. Sometimes I feel I don't want anyone to help me because I don't want to owe anyone. The truth is Christians are trustworthy enough to ask. You never owe a brother and sister. God has their payment.

I am putting myself on the right path again. First I decided to trust my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for those things. I will ask for help from them when I need it. I will help when they need it. I will stop procrastinating...soon. ( I had to add that)

Bottom line is that when we don't let our brothers and sisters pray, help or lift us up through words. We take away a chance for God to give them a blessing. I do have things that need to be prayed for. I am person who has not been the man God intended me to be. I am changing my attitude and returning to where I should be with my brothers and sisters. Most of all, with God.